of cold water, stripes, and other obscurities
by runtus maximus
Summary: anything for the cause. [drabble series, rated for safety, may contain slash]
1. Harry and Ron

The Water's Too Cold

Harry glared at the wet red blob somewhere in front of him.

"You can give them back now," he said loudly.

How did he even get into this situation? All he remembered from the last five hours was a lot of butterbeer, noting Ron muttering with Fred and George, and then letting himself be accosted later-

Oh.

"Not till you get in with me. It's not like the water's too cold." And the smirk was practically tangible, even if he couldn't see it because _someone_ was holding his glasses hostage-

"I can't exactly do that with all my clothes on, idiot!"

Amused silence.

If Ron didn't wipe that grin off his face _right now_-

Wait. Since when was Ron close enough to see?


	2. George and Professor McGonagall

Blue and White Stripes

This was probably the only time Draco Malfoy would ever be caught looking remotely sheepish. Including past, present, and future lives.

"Er. 'Ello, Professor." Even an uncomfortable Malfoy had dignity to save, after all.

The look that McGonagall gave him was nothing new, but it still made him shiver the slightest bit. Then again, that could have been attributed to the fact that he was wearing a sailor's suit and the draft was rather chilly.

"Mr. Malfoy, do you care to tell me why you are wearing clothing generally found in the women's section?" Oh, was she mad. And perplexed. But mostly mad.

"Professor! This suit is entirely stylish, thank you very much! I'm sure that if you were to ask my father about it, he would freely admit to wearing the fashion in his spare time. We've even gone shopping together and discussed my crush on Potter, though I'd prefer you didn't tell anyone-"

"_Mr. Malfoy_!"

Draco blinked. "Yes?" he asked innocently.

McGonagall glared, unable to find words to express her disgust. Eventually she gave up and simply dragged him down the hall. At least no one was around to witness this mortification.

If you listened closely, however, soft snickers and clapping drifted from behind a tapestry.

"George is our hero!"

"Anything for the cause!"

"He'll go down in Hogwarts history!"


	3. Aunt Marge

The Discovery of Aunt Marge

Some days, Superman reflected, were just not good ones. Even for superheroes. (Like that one time that some very cowed husbands decided to go hold up Frederick's of Hollywood- those were some controlling wives, there- and then Lois Lane showed up for a shopping spree as he dodged maid's outfits and thongs. Bad memories.)

The day had begun well enough after the seventeenth cup of coffee, but _this _was shaping up to be the beginning of a downward spiral. Only half concentrating on keeping the wrecked plane in the air, he stared at the puddle of deflated, irate woman before him.

"How did you even get up here?"

"I'LL KILL THAT BLOODY KID-"


	4. Remus and Sirius

Algae in the Pants

"You know, they put algae in chocolate milk. So, essentially, you're chugging a bunch of slimy plants right now."

It was only Remus' practice with situations such as this that allowed him to keep a slightly disapproving frown on his face as Peter's eyes grew to colossal proportions and milk splattered all across the table. The girls seated in front of the Marauders threw disgusted looks in Peter's direction before muttering angrily and mopping up the liquid on their faces.

Meanwhile, James burst out laughing and made no move to help Peter clean up, so Remus sighed and grabbed a napkin, dabbing at the mess of chocolate. And, apparently, algae.

That is, until Sirius noticed him.

"What's this?" he thundered. "My slave will not be performing such ignominious tasks such as that!"

"I'd no idea you had ever heard that word before, let alone knew what it meant," Remus replied, taking Peter's cloth and continuing to wipe. Peter twitched sheepishly.

"Why, Moony! I'm hurt you would insult my intelligence in such a way." Sirius clutched his heart, eyes flickering to the growing audience. He smirked and threw an arm around Remus' shoulder. "But I have an idea of how you can make it up to me," he stage-whispered into the werewolf's ear.

Remus rolled his eyes. "How is that?" He looked up, not expecting Sirius to be that close. Raising an eyebrow, he looked at James to see him grinning wickedly. Then Sirius blocked his vision and he could feel warm, wet lips on his.

Peter jerked, not noticing that he spilled his drink again.

"Peter," James muttered, "you have algae on your pants."


	5. More Harry and Ron

I Think I Dropped It in the Fireplace

Today was going to be a good day.

Harry stretched his arms happily, sighing when his bones popped, and nudged Ron. (He really needed to work on not blushing every time they touched, Harry noted. It was painfully obvious.) "Want to go on down or do you want to wait for Hermione?"

But before Ron could reply, she came bustling down the stairs and marched up to them. "Good morning!" she said with the cheer that comes from knowing you were the only one in the school not pulling an all-nighter for an essay. "Did you two end up finishing the paper for Transfiguration?"

"Actually, we did," Ron said triumphantly. "_Without _your help this time." He and Harry exchanged satisfied looks.

Hermione's eyes obligingly widened. "Really? Good job! Can I see?"

Harry turned to Ron. "Where are they?"

"What do you mean, where are they? I thought you had them." Ron looked perplexed, and Harry felt sweat break out on his forehead.

"But we were in the chair, then we…" His eyes grew to immense proportions. Leaving a bewildered Hermione behind, Harry dragged Ron over to where they had sat last night.

"Remember what we did after we finished the essays?"

"Er- yeah," Ron looked absentminded for a second, then his gaze sharpened. "So?"

"And remember that part when you shoved me against-"

"Yeah, I remember!" Ron's face was slowly beginning to look like a plum. "But what does that have to do with our papers?"

"Well. I think I dropped them. In the fireplace."


	6. Professor Binns

Well, Lads, It Was Back in the Summer of 1985 When…

Most people were failing Professor Binn's class. Miserably.

Contrary to the custom reasons for such grades, however, it was not because the tests were incredibly difficult or the class was too rowdy- quite the opposite, in fact. The essays were easy enough for a first-year to pass.

The problem, unfortunately, was staying awake during a lecture, something most students (excluding Hermione) found nigh impossible to do. With midterms approaching, both students and professors found themselves growing desperate. And desperate times call for desperate measures.

As the sleepy mass of wizards stumbled out of the room a few weeks before the finals began, Professor Binns mumbled to their retreating backs, "For extra credit, come see me next Monday for a lecture during which you will take notes."

Needless to say, not many heard, and even fewer attended, but there were a handful that showed up and lingered uncomfortably.

Binns stirred after a few minutes of waiting. "We'll begin now," he murmured to the air in front of him. "I am not as oblivious as you think I am, students, and I know how many of you catch up on your sleep while I teach. So I chose what I believe is a more interesting topic for today.

"It was the summer of 1985 when the goblin Scary the Hairy began his clan's march from the mountains to work at Gringott's…"

Heads were drooping already.


End file.
